Quitting My Life to Start My Life…..a true story.
“After coming into work day after day (for years), literally being sick to my stomach, feeling depressed the night before each day I have to come in, living life in autopilot, thinking about my life, and the things I want to accomplish………I finally did it, I quit.”
This was the Facebook status I posted 2 weeks ago when I decided to quit my job and put in my two weeks.
Quitting…it’s something about quitting that doesn’t quite settle well with me. They always say ‘never quit and never give up,’ but sometimes you just have to…
I worked at a particular company seven years (technically six, if you count my year absence during my deployment). When I first started I loved my job. I was 21 and excited because I had a ‘real’ job. I had an ID with my photo on it that swiped me in, I had a computer, a phone, and my own desk. I felt like I was doing it big time, I was on cloud nine. I was even able to take a real lunch in a break room (this was a huge step up from those waitress, and department store jobs where I was on my feet all day).
I spent my time being the best employee I could be. I’d come in early to set up so I could clock in on time and be ready to take incoming calls. I worked late, I came in extra hours. I worked when the weather was bad and other employees couldn’t make it in, I worked from home. So much time invested in a company who seemed not to notice or care that me, and countless others (who I don’t even know, but I’m sure they are doing the same) were pretty much living for this company.
Now don’t get me wrong, I was grateful for my job, but I started to have a shift of beliefs and ideas when I got deployed with the military.
While overseas I was away from my family, friends, and everything I knew (I was in the National Guard and only drilled one weekend a month so it was a different ball game doing the military full time). But, while overseas I was able to meet different types of people. Some of the soldiers I met were some of the most influential beings I’ve ever known. I was able to travel to multiple countries, embrace different cultures, and interact with people who were extremely poor. I came back from my deployment changed, a little more independent, and I had a direction I wanted to take.
I decided I wanted to go back to school full-time.
With that decision, I left my full-time position at work and switched over to the part-time team. But, with that came another challenge. I’ve always been super loyal and dedicated to everything and everyone for no particular reason (thats probably why I stayed in toxic relationships for so long). I’d plan my school schedule around my work schedule, or take a lighter load at school, in order to work, work, work.
I always thought, why is it so easy for other people to just do the bare minimum and go on about their business? Why did I feel like it was my responsibility to take on so much, or be the person people depended on? Why am I living my life in autopilot? This isn’t even what I really want to do in life? Why am I staying stuck? What am I doing wrong?
I wanted to quit over a year ago, and tried to talk myself into it, but I stayed because of the stability. I stayed because I was scared.
The past year I grew a lot, and did a lot of self reflection, reading, and researching, but for what? To continue to research so much that I start finding the same answers? To not do the things I want to do in life? To continue to live vicariously through other people? To not even start to piece my life together?
No, thats not what I wanted in my life. So as I planned my classes this semester I chose every class I needed to take in order to graduate in May, no matter what time or day they were held.
Doing that helped me become more clear about what I wanted, but what about my job? I planned this crazy schedule where I would come in super early, leave, go to class, and come back. I mean my schedule was a mess. Why am I doing this? I hate working here (and it’s not because of the company, but the environment, and my desires for something more).
The place I worked had no ‘real’ room for upward mobility. Most of the people I worked with had goals, and dreams some point in their lives that they brushed aside, or forgot about. So many regrets, so many hopefuls, so many people who are scared. I call it the “Company of broken dreams.” Everyday I would come to work literally sick to my stomach. I was so depressed, I wanted to move ahead, but I really had no clue how. I kept listening to everyone else’s opinion about it being hard to get a job, and I shouldn’t quit mine.
My last button was pushed two weeks ago as I sat at my desk listening to women in their late 30’s, 40’s early 50’s gossip about Justin Bieber, Kim Kardashian, “Did you hear about, blah, blah, blah?” Then I overheard them talking about how long they worked at the company. One lady said, “What was supposed to be a two year job turned into 15 years.” I sat there thinking,
“Omg, they are lost (thinking about the gossip). Is this what the world has come to?” “Omg, I’ve been here seven.” I’ve had my head down so long, been living in autopilot so long, I’ve let seven years slide by. I don’t want to be those ladies in the next few years. I mean they are some of the nicest, sweetest, and creative people I’ve met, but they are stuck here. This is not my life. There is something more for me, I just have to find it, and I won’t find it being stuck here.
With that last thought I drafted up my two weeks and turned it in. I felt liberated, it felt like the world was being lifted off my shoulders. I was scared, nervous, and excited at the same time.
As I go into this next chapter of my life I don’t have everything planned, I don’t have all of the answers. I let go of something in my life that was holding me back. I’m stepping into the unknown, but I have peace of mind, and I trust the Universe will lead me where I need to go….
Well, I guess I’ll be stretching my GI Bill, and living off of my stockpile & savings until I graduate in May :). I feel like the decision I made was the right choice; I just had to Quit My life to Start My Life. I’ll keep you posted on all of the exciting things I experience during this new journey.